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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Sunday, November 17, 2002 Posted 11:26 PM
  Watching the Pats vs. Raiders and the play-by-play guy says, "... and how 'bout that Cam Cleeland. 54 catches as a rookie, but since then he's ruptured his Achilles Tendon 3 times." And Joe Theisman says, "and two of those were on the same foot!" Amazing, Joe! Hey, call me Pythagoras, but it would seem that no matter what, at least two would have to be on the same foot. No? Saturday, November 16, 2002 Posted 8:41 PM
And so the Beetlejuice curse continues, with the shocking arrest of Jeffery Jones yeaterday on a kiddie-porn charge, this, just days after the conviction of Winona Rider on unrelated shoplifting charges. What is it about this film that has resulted in tragedy befalling so many of its cast members? Robert Goulet - prostate cancer just 4 short years after the film wrapped. Sylvia Sidney, the chain smoking, neck slashed Juno, - dead of - get this: Throat cancer! Geena Davis just can't stay married. Dick Cavett? A tortured soul. Alec Baldwin had and lost Kim Basinger. And Michael Keaton. Good Lord! He had to work with Katie Ladyko. Let us pray for Catherine O'Hara and Glenn Shadix! Tuesday, November 12, 2002 Posted 6:07 PM
So Bex and I went to The Ground Round on Route 28 in Stoneham the other night. I tried to order a cheeseburger, medium rare. "Nope! We only serve them well done. No exceptions," said the waitress. The manager came over to apologize, saying that even he couldn't eat there anymore, prefering his food rare. Something about that policy frightens me. I don't want to eat anything they serve. If the food that Ground Round serves needs to be incinerated before it can be safely consumed, I'm not eating there. I mean, you could eat autoclaved human feces. Here's a novel - no, radical - approach: How about taking a nice piece of top round, grinding it fresh to order, forming it as a patty and then grilling or flame broiling it to the customer's satisfaction? Hey! You might even name a restaurant after a signature dish like that. Burger Lovers of the World Unite! Refuse well done meat! Demand that fresh, clean wholesome food products be used! Boycott ALL Restaurants that will not serve a rare hamburger! © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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