A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page.

And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports

Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies:

•  Oliver Twist Was Well Fed

•  Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful

•  Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better

•  Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks

•  Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying

•  People Are Groggy When They Wake Up

•  Exercise is Good For You

•  Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu

•  Study on Studies Yields Disappointment!

•  Kids Imitate Their Parents!

•  Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS!

•  Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them

•  Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat!

•  Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones

•  Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor

•  Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions

•  Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies

•  Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation

•  People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap

•  Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs

•  People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner

•  People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do

•  Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not...

•  People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses

•  People pass more gas when they are active

•  Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches

•  People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober

In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.

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Sunday, April 06, 2003

Posted 12:38 PM

So I'm at the movies with Bex and her friend Melissa, to see the premier of What A Girl Wants (which is apparently to be in flick that is a carbon copy of The Princess Diaries) when I go out to the lobby to get a refill on the 2 gallon lemonade we have all been sharing.

Up walks this 3 foot 4 inch white kid, must be all of 10 years old, in baggy clothes and a baseball hat turned sideways: "Yo yo yo! You got the icees here? You know what I'm sayin'?" His hands are flapping around wildly. "No icees here! That's illin'" and off he lopes, in what Tom Wolfe once called the pimp roll.

The kid behind the counter smirks and then laughs out loud.

I say, "Hey, show some respect! Didn't you recognize him? That's Peanut M&M!"

- 30 -


© 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied.
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