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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Wednesday, May 05, 2004 Posted 9:29 PM
  And this surprised you? All this hand wringing and surprise about the mistreatment, brutalization, and humiliation of POWs at the Abu Ghraib prison outside of Baghdad has really got me laughing. No, not at the mistreatment, brutalization, and humiliation; that probably upsets me as much as any and more than most. Its the hand wringing that makes me giggle, and the surprise that makes me laugh until my sides ache. Oh my God! We are acting just like them! Bingo, Bunkie! Go to the head of the class! We are acting like them because we are them. And they are us. [and we are all together...] We eat, sleep, shit and belch. Just like them. They love their children, they work hard for the money. Just like us. We brutalize our prisoners, our children, our husbands, wives, and strangers. Just like them. They trust in God and all others pay cash. Just like us. We lie, cheat and steal. Just like them. Take off the turban and the Scalley cap, the thobs and the Oxfords, the sarwal and sandals, the pants and loafers and take a look. We are all the same. So, everyone, Listen up! Stop it. Before I have to pull this planet right over to the side of the solar system. You are all giving me a headache. Osama, knock it off. Dubya! Shut up. Sharon, Arafat! Stifle. China, Korea (both of you), Russia, Chechens, Hutus, Tootsies, heffalumps and woozles: Just sit still and keep your hands off each other before I... As a great man named King once said, "People! Can't we all just get along?" © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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