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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Sunday, June 27, 2004 Posted 11:44 AM
   Posted 11:31 AM
Disappointment on a Sunday morning... Yahoo! News - Dion, Geddes Working on Project Together NEW YORK - Singer Celine Dion and photographer Anne Geddes are working together on the 'Miracle' project, a collection of songs and images honoring 'the moving, tender and unbreakable bond of love that exists between a mother and her baby.'"
Saturday, June 12, 2004 Posted 1:29 PM
de gustibus non est disputandum... Sometimes I find myself on the usenet. Sometimes I see stuff that's weird. This was one: " Do you think that anyone who wanted Rush would have Liz Phair? Do you think that any one who had Liz Phair would want Rush? I don't know... just askin'? Friday, June 04, 2004 Posted 2:53 PM
Fat kids? No. Fatheads making policy for fat kids....Oh yeah! Boston.com / News / Local / Mass. / In obesity fight, school bans birthday cupcakes: "Students celebrating their birthdays this fall at the Chandler School in Duxbury can expect their classmates to sing 'Happy Birthday,' but cupcakes are out of the question. Concerned that the children are eating too much junk food, the Chandler School Council and the Parent Teacher Association are forbidding parents from bringing sweets to their child's classroom birthday party." OK, the population is too fat. What are we going to do about it? We're going to take candy from babies? Ofercrysache! Gimme a break. Why is that administrators always come up with a band-aide when what is called for is an inquiry into the cause of the injury? Does anyone seriously think that depriving kids of a birthday celebration is going to make them thin? I can - in I'm sure - in less time than it took for those idiots in Duxbury to come up with their policy, offer a nicer, better, more effective one in its place. How about this: 1. Stop serving CRAP as part of the school lunch system? Chicken nuggets, Teriyaki chicken nuggets, French toast on a stick, French fries, fish sticks, Bologna sandwiches, pizza... What's wrong with fresh vegetables, broiled fish, grilled lean meat, salad, hearty soups, whole grain breads, etc. What? Kids don't like it? Hey, eat it or go hungry. They'll come around, and they'll stop wanting "Breakfast for Lunch." 2. Stop selling them ice cream every day! Yeah, I know, we don't have to give them ice cream money every day, but the message sent is the message sent: Hey Kid, how about some ice cream? Every freakin' day. And, what's more, whether you give them the money or not, they'll beg, borrow or steal it (literally). If it ain't there, it ain't there. 3. Give them healthy desserts. What's wrong with an apple, or a fresh fruit cup, a tangerine, a clementine, some strawberries... Congo Bars, chocolate chip cookies, devil dogs, cake? Good lord. Isn't that ironic... Kids, no cupcakes for your birthday... You can get them on any day, special or not, in the cafeteria. 4. Daily exercise. Is there anyone on this planet left who thinks that diet alone will result in slim, healthy people? Well, if there are, they''re stupid and probably unhealthy, fat, and still hungry most of the time. Daily exercise, combined with a healthy diet leads to a life long benefit of good health. I'm not talking about Phys. Ed. everyday. Lordy no, I don't need some mook with a whistle winging a dodgeball at my kid's head everyday. But how about this: each kid has a yoga mat. each kid has a doctor's permission and a permission slip from their parent. each day before recess, they whip out their mats and do ten (10) situps and ten (10) pushups. Hand them a granola bar and some 100% juice and tell them top enjoy recess. This starts in kindergarten and continues through High school. The kids in the older grades could and would probably do more. Let them! I guarantee you it is 20 more exercises than 99% of our kids ever do. I guarantee you slim, healthy, happy young adults who have had the idea of regular exercise inculcated into their system as much as multiplication tables. (Ironically enough, they spend so much time on multiplication tables, and when they're older they simply use a calculator or computer. Since we don't spend nearly as much time on simple physical activity, when we grow older we simply use a pacemaker or ventilator.) I know - "Oh the expense;" "Oh the administrative hurdles" Blah, blah, blah. OK. Fine. Just take away their cupcakes. Good Job. A wonderful man who I knew years back, Frank Mather, was a life long educator and conservator of the seas. He used to call the seagulls that stole his bait, drivers who cut him off in traffic, rude people, ostentatious and officious people, and bothersome things of all kind "administrators." I asked him why, and how it came to be. Frank told me that it was more polite than calling them "effin" bastards, and they were the same thing anyhow. Back Thursday, June 03, 2004 Posted 4:06 PM
Oh my god, Janet! You disgusting pervert! Yahoo! News - Janet Jackson Says She Has a Sexual Mind: "'As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that I had a very active sexual mind at a very young age. I hope that doesn't sound bad,' Jackson tells Blender magazine for its June/July issue." Well, OK, I have no problem with that. Hey, kids mature early and really, they don't know its "sexual." When I was 12, all the girls mooned over David Cassidy and Bobby Sherman. Later, I saw the New Edition, New Kids on the Block, Hanson, Backstreet Boys, and *NSYNC come and go. And all the little girls 'loved' them but would never love them! Heck, most 11 year olds think kissing is gross... But dear reader, I caution you. If you read on, you will see that Janet was not your typical little girl. No, her story is a bit more shocking and sordid than the rest. Again, I warn you.. Don't read on if you have a weak stomach, or any liquid beverage in your mouth: "'My first crush was on Barry Manilow. He performed on television, and I remember taping it. When no one was around, I used to kiss the screen.'" Put your ear to the monitor and you can probably hear me saying "Eeeeeeeew!" © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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