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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Thursday, August 26, 2004 Posted 10:06 AM
  Olympic Committee Disqualified: More Trademark Abuse Run Amok! Yahoo! News - Olympic Chiefs Ask Bush to Pull Election Ad "ATHENS (Reuters) The U.S. Olympic Committee and the IOC has asked the campaign to re-elect President Bush to pull an ad that refers to the Olympic Games. The ad has angered Olympic officials because they feel it hijacks the Olympic brand -- a registered trademark -- even though it does not display the Games logo." I never thought I'd be defending W, except maybe for a DWI, but once again, we have a trademark rabies case. The Olympic Committee seems to think that you can't even use the word Olympics without their permission! In the ad, which has ruffled the USOC's tunics, an announcer states that at "this Olympics there will be two more free nations," referring to the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq under Bush's watch.
For better or worse, for pete's sake, this is merely a statement of fact, and does not even begin to imply any relationship between the Olympic Committee and George W. Bush, nor does it imply any endorsement of him. Afghanistan was suspended in 1999 under the Taliban regime, and Iraq was only allowed back in after Saddam Hussein was deposed. Listen up, dunderheads! A person can say almost anything they'd like, regardless of whether you think you own the words. 22 more people rode the Space Mountain ride at Disneyland, wearing Abercrombie & Fitch clothing than last year. Somepeople found the ride to be fair and balanced while others lost their lunch. Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics Olympics. Sue Me! Tuesday, August 24, 2004 Posted 1:26 PM
Thus giving a new meaning to Grounded for Life... HANOI (Reuters) The family of a 17-year-old Vietnamese boy who died 36 years ago kept his body in their home after afortune teller told relatives they had buried the teenageralive by mistake. Saturday, August 21, 2004 Posted 8:55 AM
At Least Someone Left The Courtroom Satisfied... OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla. (Reuters)"An Oklahoma judge facing removal over charges that he masturbated and used a device for enhancing erections under his robes during trials said on Wednesday he would retire from the bench...Thompson was accused by state Attorney General Drew Edmondson of using a 'penis pump' to enhance erections..." Is it not interesting that not just any erection would be satisfactory, given the situation? "...during trials and exposing himself to a court reporter several times while masturbating on the bench... 'I have greatly enjoyed my public service...' he said." I'm sure he did, Whoah! I'm sure he did. Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink. Say no more, say no more...
Thursday, August 19, 2004 Posted 10:09 AM
Al Qaeda Eyed in Latest Terrorist Attack, Code Named: Charley Why was the Director of Homeland Security, Tom Ridge, wandering around storm ravaged Florida the other day? Did he lose a house there? Was he looking for weapons of mass destruction? Or was he just plain rubberneckin'? I 'll admit that I have never seen a formal job description for Director of Homeland Security, but I do know that FEMA, in the past, has always capably responded to Federal Emergencies that required Management by an Agency. Even if FEMA falls within his bailiwick, what with W and his bro', the National Guard, the Red Cross, and actual FEMA workers muckin' around down there, don't you think Tommy had better things to do? Posted 9:51 AM
Yeah Einstein, I think its called DROWNING!!! YATSASS:Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs NEW YORK (Reuters Health) "Even for healthy people, swimming can lead to an accumulation of fluid in the lungs, called pulmonary edema.
New research suggests that difficulty breathing and a transient drop in lung function are common features of swimming-induced pulmonary edema. However, just why it happens -- and whether it has any long-term effects -- remain unanswered. The current study, in the medical journal Chest..." OK, This does prompt some questions:
1. Don't many people who swim end up sucking in a lot of water? Big gulps, a splash, some spray? Seems like the more active you are, the harder you breathe, and the harder you breathe the more water, splash, drippage and mist gets sucked down into the ol' windbags. I know after a day of water volleyball or the like, my lungs always hurt... I never felt the need for a full fledged medical study, or even an expert observation; I just figured I had some water in my lungs and it would go away. Silly me - I could have been the subject of an expensive research grant. I'll bet - and I'm going out on a limb here - that people who swim hard regularly, in pools regularly, get chlorinated, brominated, or some other-ated water in their lungs, pretty regularly, and that those chemicals (label says: danger... can cause burns... do not inhale... and so on...) may even cause some irritation that causes the lungs to seep a little bit of their own fluid? 2. If the thoracic specialists actually call their medical journal Chest, what do the Colo-Rectal Specialists call theirs? Wednesday, August 18, 2004 Posted 8:48 AM
YATSASS: Eating Well Balanced Diet is Good For Health NEW YORK (Reuters Health) "...The six-year study found that adults who boosted their intake of fruit during the research period put on less weight and body fat than those whose fruit consumption dipped. The same benefit was seen among men and women who started drinking more skim or low-fat milk, or who cut back on fatty foods. Although high-fat, Atkins-style diets have been advocated for weight loss, the new study provides evidence that over the long-term, relatively high fat intake promotes weight gain, according to lead author Vicky Drapeau. The findings support the standard public health recommendation that adults eat more fruits and vegetables and limit fat intake, noted Drapeau, a researcher at Laval University in Quebec, Canada. In addition, she told Reuters Health, the results suggest that low-fat milk, and possibly other calcium-rich foods, are important in weight control. I don't know, but I seem to remember that someone, I'm not sure who, may have once said, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" but I could be wrong. It may have been one of those Satanic messages that you hear when you play a vinyl copy of a Blues Traveler album backwards.
I know that A-holes like Adkins don't help, but did it need to take six years for this highly educated health professional to reach her conclusion? A conclusion that I thought was pretty widely accepted since, when? Oh, I don't know, maybe Ben Franklin? Monday, August 16, 2004 Posted 4:17 PM
YATSASS: Study Finds Therapy for Leaky Bladder Improves Quality of Life NEW YORK (Reuters Health) In this study, a real, live doctor concluded, not quite conclusively that: "...therapy for bladder leakage problems not only helps patients urinate better, it also improves their quality of life and reduces depression, new research suggests..." But, Dr. Anurag K. Das, from Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston warned, "...whether these findings are applicable to the general population of patients with bladder problems is unclear...These patients may not be representative of the general population with urine incontinence, 'many of whom do not seek treatment because of the embarrassing nature of the problem and the strong cultural norms associated with bodily functions such as voiding.'" So, doctor, what you're trying to say, if I may speak freely, is that you think, but you're not sure that people who don't piss their pants feel better than people who do? Remarkable. I'd never have guessed. One can't merely rely on anecdotal evidence. Please let us know when you have developed scientifically irrebuttable proof.
In a related study, doctors think that there may be a link between male pattern baldness and the frequency of erythema, tenderness, and sometimes blistering of the vertex (sunburnt head), and it seems that there may be a correlation between sub-nasion epidermal rubor (little red spots on the bridge of the nose) and the frequent wearing of eyeglasses, but we need to spend more time and money before we can be sure. Posted 1:41 PM
YATSASS - Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies Birth Month May Influence Brain Cancer Risk: NEW YORK (Reuters Health) "...Their study of brain cancer patients and cancer-free adults the same age found that the risk of developing the disease appeared highest for people born in January or February and lowest for those born in July or August. And for reasons that are unclear, the association between birth season and cancer risk was most pronounced among people who were left-handed or ambidextrous -- with those born in the late fall through early spring having a greater risk. However, the researchers stress that left-handed winter babies should not find the study results alarming. " That would be because left-handed winter babies are too little to read? Or because studies like this are full of the same material that the diapers of left-handed winter babies are filled with?
Visit other YATSASSes: Click People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses and People pass more gas when they are active and Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches and People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober for information on other studies that may leave you even more well informed and comfortable. Thursday, August 12, 2004 Posted 2:01 PM
Great! Now we don't have to worry about burning the fish... Health News Article | Reuters.com: "WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Farmed salmon, already found to carry higher levels than wild salmon of chemicals such as PCBs, may also contain higher levels of flame retardants, environmental researchers said on Wednesday.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004 Posted 9:34 PM
A Bad Day for Women Everywhere Item: Scott Peterson's mistress, Amber Frey, took the witness stand yesterday, to talk about her relationship with the alleged wifekiller. Stating that she had "trust issues" with men, she went on to describe how she spent her first date with Peterson at a Japanese restaurant, a karaoke bar, and then having sex and spending the night in his hotel room. Sounds like she trusted him OK. Eh? Item:Looks like we can shift from a blue dot over the witness's face to a red light over her lamp post. The complaining witness in the Kobe Bryant rape trial has filed a civil suit (i.e., a demand for moolah) and it looks like the criminal case may simply not go forward. So just what kind of a person do we think she is? As Winston Churchill is said to have said to Lady Astor, "My dear, we have already established that. We are merely haggling over the price." Friday, August 06, 2004 Posted 6:28 PM
The song was so good, he was so bad... RIP Rick James 1948-2004 Funk Musician Rick James Dies in Los Angeles at 56 Who would dare argue that Super Freak was not one of the greatest songs ever recorded? Not necessarily a lyrical masterpiece, the musical composition was simply and stunningly irresistable. And the vocals... Oh, those vocals! Has anyone ever sung the word YEEEOW any better? I don't think so. I know that Rick James also had a few other hits, but he was mostly known for hitting women in hotel rooms or with crack pipes. That notwithstanding, (nor forgiven) he was a guy who riffed one major league riff, and in rock & roll heaven, that counts for a lot. We'll miss ya, Rick. Thursday, August 05, 2004 Posted 10:19 AM
Call for Grants or Funding: Study Proposed! Whilst driving near Fanueil Hall this week, I noticed two young women handing out flyers to passing pedestrians. They, like many of their profession (flyer-hander-outer, hereinafter "FHO's") were wearing silly clothing; specifically, these two were wearing cheap felt tri-corner hats, with little red fuzzy lobsters perched on top. Posted 9:58 AM
Yet Another True Story about "Studies" actually funded or published... Study Finds Agreement on 'Ideal' Nose "NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People who opt for a nose job are no different from anyone else when it comes to their vision of the 'ideal' nose, a study suggests." This is indeed welcome news to those of us who were concerned that other people may have held varying ideals of a 'perfect' nose. Now I know that my ponderings on the pulchritudinous proboscis are in line with the rest of the world on what symbolizes a stunning sneezer. Congratulations, Dr. David C. Pearson of the Mayo Clinic of Jacksonville, FL! Time and Money well spent. I certainly hope that some of my tax dollars went to fund this important study. Click here and here and here for information on other studies that may leave you even more well informed and comfortable.
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