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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Monday, November 29, 2004 Posted 3:45 PM
  Attention President Bush: I'm Here to Help! Flu Pandemic Inevitable, Plans Needed Urgently -WHO Dear Mr. Bush, I know you're a very busy man, and as you've told us, its hard work. So, I'm volunteering to help out. I know you don't always get to see your briefings like the one you got about a month before terrorists from Saudi Arabia would be crashing jets into buildings that was entitled: Terrorists from Saudi Arabia plan to crash jets into buildings and I know that your plans for the flu vaccine this year got all kind of muddled in the hunt for Osama, Saddam, Huey, Dewey and Louie, slurring your opponent's war records and important stuff like that, so I wanted to make sure you saw this: BANGKOK (Reuters) Fri Nov 26, 2004 07:23 AM ET Every country in the world must come up urgently with a plan to deal with an inevitable influenza pandemic likely to be triggered by the bird flu virus that hit Asia this year, a top global health expert said on Friday. 'I believe we are closer now to a pandemic than at any time in recent years,' said Shigeru Omi, regional director for the Western Region of the World Health Organization (WHO). 'No country will be spared once it becomes a pandemic,' he told a news conference." So you don't have to read the whole thing I just quoted from the article. Oh, also, 'pandemic' does not mean that it is only going to hurt Pandas, it means that lots and lots of people are going to get sick all over the world! Lots more than usual and lots sicker too! And, also, 'inevitable' is not a kind of car with a roof that comes off - I know it sounds like that, you're certainly right, but what it really means is like, really, really for sure-gonna -happen.
If you and your staff in Washington are working too hard right now - what with all the tree lighting, cabinet repair, and the waiting for Bill Rehnquist to die - I'd be happy to call the lab and order up a Texas size serving of vaccine. I'm prettty sure that's about all you gotta do. If there's more, just let me know. Maybe setting up another lab, or slightly more scrutiny of the vacccine process... I don't know, but I'm sure you, and Condi and Tom and Tommy can figure it out if you put your heads together. (Of course I didn't mean that literally, sir. I know that would hurt...) Your friend, Rob Tuesday, November 16, 2004 Posted 1:35 PM
Q: What's the Difference Between The Marine Who Shot The Iraqi Prisoner and Ashlee Simpson? Yahoo! News - U.S. Marines Rally Round Iraq Probe Comrade: scroll down... Saturday, November 13, 2004 Posted 11:03 PM
And the headline read: O.D.B. O.P.D. Rapper O.D.B. Collapses, Dies in Studio By Nekesa Mumbi Moody, AP Music Writer ...or, maybe just "Old Dead Bastard?" Wednesday, November 10, 2004 Posted 5:44 PM
Proof That There Is a God!! BostonHerald.com - Business: Target turns away Army: Charity looks elsewhere: By Jennifer Heldt Powell, Wednesday, November 10, 2004 With Target playing Scrooge this year, the local Salvation Army is looking for new sites and new ways to raise money to meet a growing demand. Target told the Christian charity this year that it would not allow the familiar bell ringers to raise funds outside its stores - a move that could cost the group $9 million nationwide. While I have nothing against the Salvation Army, per se, in fact, in years when I have enough money left for year end charitable contributions they rank high on my list - but only by check mailed to their headquarters I have never and will never encourage the head-busting extortion that they engage in across parking lots throughout America. I've often wondered if I offered one of those cauldron-tenders a sawbuck, I might get them to take 20, so that I could shop in peace. This year I'll be doing all of the holiday shopping that I can at Target.
Now, if I succeed in my TRO application against Father Christmas by Greg Lake, and Santa Claus is Coming to Town as shouted and moaned by Bruce Springsteen, I may truly find Peace On Earth this holiday season. Tuesday, November 09, 2004 Posted 9:06 PM
OK, G'bye John. Don't Let the Door Hit You On The Way Out. Ashcroft, Evans Resign from Bush Cabinet WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft (news - web sites), a lightning rod of criticism by civil liberties groups for his anti-terror policies after the Sept. 11 attacks and who once even ordered the robing of two partially nude statues in his department, resigned on Tuesday.
Thursday, November 04, 2004 Posted 5:45 PM
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... but getting caught kind of ruins the illusion Lip-Synching Has Always Been the Standard (Yahoo News-AP)
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