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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Friday, February 18, 2005 Posted 8:45 AM
  Calling Mr. Sizemore... (Madrid Reuters) Two Kenyan boys whose penises were cut off to be sold for making anti-AIDS potions have had them reconstructed in Spain, the doctor treating them said...They are fantastic, happy, their faces have changed and their lives have changed. They don't have to use a catheter ... and they can live like children, messing around and being naughty I'm just a simple blogger; I'm sure its not as easy as it may appear, but seeing the words penis,happy, messing around, being naughty and no catheter made me think that Señor Sizemore may find a solution (oh... bad choice of words) in España. Saturday, February 12, 2005 Posted 5:12 PM
Reuters: Actor Tom Sizemore Fails Drug Test... ... with Fake Penis or, as the Herald might put it, Uh, Oh Tommy Boy! Urine Big Trouble Now! But wait, that's not the funny part... it turns out that he's tried to do it before, and (oh, so-sheltered, my) apparently so have many others. It is not often that your humble correspondent finds himself shocked or amazed by anything anymore, but you've got to see The Whizzinator! I think the link will suffice; I'll leave it to my gentle reader to decide whether they would like to see the product, which comes in white, tan, latino, brown and black. No word on whether they vary in size, nor whether or not Asians can be accomodated. And, yes, I know you needed to know: irradiated, freeze dried artificial urine, brand named Number 1, is available. Friday, February 11, 2005 Posted 4:57 PM
Where the Aging Roots Meet the Rootless... There at the Starbucks, I hear the strains of a familiar melody - something from long ago lost.... A word, a bit of the chorus riff...I cannot quite make it out over the din of "half caf non fat hazelnut soy latte chai." "...if a double decker ... venti red eye... into us... oh, my God I know this song... what their name? Big mouth strikes again....no, not The Cure. I ask the Barista if she knows who's singing the song. She doesn't know, she goes to find out. The name means nothing to me, but the rendition, though original, does not induce suicidal thoughts like one I knew from back in the day. She knows nothing of the original version. "You know..., it was Morrisey's band," I say, the hazy recollection volunteered. "Oh," she says, "The Doors!" Thursday, February 03, 2005 Posted 11:16 PM
Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema Woman Accused of Giving Lethal Sherry Enema HOUSTON (Reuters) A Texas woman has been indicted for criminally negligent homicide for causing her husband's death by giving him a sherry enema, a police detective said on Wednesday.
Tammy Jean Warner, 42, gave Michael Warner two large [1.5 litre] bottles of sherry on May 21, which raised his blood alcohol level to 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered legally drunk in Texas, police detective Robert Turner in Lake Jackson, Texas, told the Houston Chronicle. [A throat ailment kept him from drinking it.] Warner, 58, was said to have an alcohol problem..." Tuesday, February 01, 2005 Posted 10:26 PM
Definitely the Best Kind... Massachusetts Attorney General Tom Reilly, with eyes on the statehouse corner office, has been taking some shots at Governor Romney lately (which is OK by me, actually) but his latest comments - a bit of grand standing about cost over runs combined with quality under runs on the Big Dig project - really do show off the problems you get when you cross a lawyer with a politician: Gubern-attorney-al candidate Reilly has taken control of the cost recovery and quality control related to the bridge and tunnel project (eh? commendable...) but has announced that in doing so, he is insisting that contractors come up with "a solution that works." (not so good...) I guess I could be wrong, and the State's chief lawman is in search of some kind of hard-to-find liquid sealant that will stop the leaks, but somehow I think that all the shouting about a "solution that works," needs to be referred to the Department of Redundancy Department for further review and analysis... that works. © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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