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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Saturday, December 31, 2005 Posted 2:54 PM
  Rapper Obie Trice Shot in Detroit Damn, shot in Detroit... and, you know how painful that can be... and not just once or twice... poor Mr. Obie.
Oh, wait... never mind. Friday, December 23, 2005 Posted 10:53 AM
Sauce for the PC Festively Diverse Season... Now, the Town of Medway, MA is under fire for banning any reference to Christmas in its annual Holiday Concert. This, along with a hideously wrong decision to call Christmas Trees Magical Trees is ludicrous, wrong headed, and sweet payback for the rest of the bowdlerization, sanitation and BS that passes for politically correct or diverse these days. If, as in Newton this year, we were not allowed to dress in costume, offer Mars Bars and Candy Corn to our lord Zool, and chant our holy Trick or Treat prayer, why should Christmas be acknowledged in Milton?
Diversity? Sounds like homogenization and blandness to me. What exactly is diverse about removing any and all reference to any and all diversity, and replacing it all with uniformity and blandness?
Yeah, baby...And a boogie-woogie New Year! One parent? That's all? I would hope that it might have been all but one parent, that parent being the dunderhead who complained in the first place. What's wrong with a holiday medley? "We Wish You A Merry Christmas," "Have a Holly, Jolly Diwali," "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel." Sorry goyim... You got fruitcake, we got Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel. Thursday, December 15, 2005 Posted 11:38 PM
Former Senator Proxmire dies at 90 The world has lost another great man. First, he replaced Joe McCarthy in the Senate in 1957. That alone would qualify him for greatness in my book. But, I grew through early adulthood thoroughly enjoying Senator Proxmire's annual Golden Fleece Award, given for thirteen consecutive years to wasteful programs funded by the US Government. Unafraid to stand up against LBJ and the Viet Nam war, Proxmire was also a stalwart and stubborn proponent of an anti-genocide treaty; starting in 1967 he gave a speech in its favor, every day that the US Senate was in session. In 1986, the measure passed, after some 3,000 Proxmire speeches. Proxmire also opposed, and did not accept campaign contributions in his last two elections. Spending well under $500 of his own money, Proxmire handily won his final two re-election bids. As host of the YATSASS Reports, I have been long telling friends that I would start winnowing down the many YATSASSes highlighted in this column from month to month and choose a YATSASS of the Year. Although I have not yet undertaken that process, I regret now that I had not at least made my choice for the name of the award public before now. Not that Mr. Proxmire needed any more affirmation of his lasting greatness, or that mine would measure up to those to come in the days to follow, but my friends know - and I wish he knew - that I have long intended to call that award The Proxie. 11/11/1915 - 12/15/2005 Tuesday, December 06, 2005 Posted 2:19 PM
Greasy Dago court rules 'Dirty negro' insult not always racist Yeah, um sure... it could be a term of endearment like my little money-grubbing Kike or you cute faggot.
Interesting decision... I'd be curious to see how those wops define real hatred. Wouldn't the fact that the defendants were punching the dirty negros show that the macaroni niggers were motivated by real hatred? Maybe I'll call my Hymie lawyer and find out. That bloodsucker should know. Thursday, December 01, 2005 Posted 12:30 PM
Bosom Buddies' Wendie Jo Sperber Dies of Breast Cancer Saw Alannis Morisette on the Jimmy Kimmel Show last night. Thought about how she had a hit called Ironic which included no ironies in it's lyrics. Merriam-Webster says irony is:
Alanis sings:
No, babe. It don't figger. Shouldn't this song have been called A Random Series of Unfortunate Events? Regardless, I think that when the star of Bosom Buddies dies from Breast Cancer it is both unfortunate and ironic. I could be wrong. © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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