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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Thursday, December 18, 2008 Posted 12:26 PM
  YATSASS: Oliver Twist Was Well Fed According to Pediatric dietician Sue Thornton of Northampton General Hospital, as published in the British Medical Journal: LONDON (Reuters) - Oliver Twist wouldn't have needed any more gruel in real life, scientists said on Thursday. The picture painted by Charles Dickens of starvation rations in an 1830s workhouse north of London is wide of mark, according to an analysis of menus and other historical evidence. In other fictional dietary studies, researchers have discovered that Jack Sprat was actually lactose intolerant, and frequently enjoyed bacon cheese burgers. His distress was, in fact, caused by the cheese. Mrs. Spratt could eat lean, but merely chose not to after having had a horrible gustatory experience with some fat-free mozzarella in her mother's lasagna when she was a child. Given the limited number of food staples used, the workhouse diet was certainly dreary, but it was adequate," they concluded. Too bad they couldn't have perked it up with some razzleberry dressing, but literary scholars insist that said condiment was not available in Dickens' time, despite many recollections to the contrary. Sunday, December 14, 2008 Posted 9:13 AM
Report: McCartney says he's the political Beatle Well, who knew? And, all these years later, are we to believe this? According to England's Sunday Times: Paul McCartney claims that he was the real politicized figure in The Beatles, not John Lennon, according to an interview published Sunday. McCartney was quoted as saying it was he who first raised concerns over the Vietnam war within the group and advocated their anti-war stance. In other music news, Paul Stanley claims that his tongue is longer than Gene Simmons' tongue, Peter Tork has revealed that Mickey was actually the "dumb one," and the J.B.'s musical director, Fred Wesley has disclosed that he worked harder than anyone in the group, and that it was his own remarkable effort that inspired James Brown's eventual exertions. Tuesday, December 09, 2008 Posted 10:50 PM
Pay the Man. It doesn't take a musicologist to recognize a distinct similarity between guitar virtuoso Joe Satriani's Is There Life in Space and Coldplay's Viva La Vida. Just visit Youtube and listen. The similarity is almost as amazing as the fact that someone in the Coldplay camp didn't convince Mr. Martin and friends to quietly settle this instead of facing the spectacle of a plagiarism/infringement lawsuit in the same week that the song has been nominated for the Song of the Year Grammy award. Instead, Coldplay has allowed themselves to be sued, and issued a statement on their website saying "If there are any similarities between our two pieces of music, they are entirely coincidental and just as surprising to us as to him." Rumor has it that the original posting went on to say "We respect Joe Satriani. He's so fine a guitarist, but, my sweet lord, we didn't copy his song." © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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