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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Thursday, October 30, 2003 Posted 9:35 AM
  YATSASS: Kids Who Read For Too Long Get Headaches! Paging Dr. Bennett... Dr. Howard Bennett... please get to work!:
Apparently Dr. Howard Bennett of George Washington University Medical Center has too much time on his hands, or not enough patients, having found reason to send a letter, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, where he claims to have discovered that too much reading at one time can give you a headache! Calling them Hogwarts Headaches, he says that he has several patients who read too much of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix in one sitting developed headaches. Holy Cow! Let's get this guy a Nobel Prize! And while you're on the phone to Stockholm, get them ready for me. My letter about a malady I have dubbed Slurpy® Seizures warns of an intense pain between the eyes that some people feel when consuming the aforementioned beverage. Related to the anecdotal Brain Freeze, discovered by Dr. Pasteur, and following up on Jenner's ground breaking work with Mr. Misty® Headaches, I have noted that this syndrome can cause people to stop talking, bring their fingers rapidly to the bridge of their nose, and then utter Yeeeeeeoooooow!. © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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