'Scuse me, but I thought he was a boring old guy some quarter century ago. I know Bob Hope used to do this kind of thing, but he was, well..., Bob Hope. I never liked the guy, and always thought of him more as a pawn of the hawkish right with a Humbertesque Brooke Shields obsession , than an entertainer, but at least he had been doing USO shows since the time he was young enough to relate to his audience.

Wayne Newton? He may have been more effective if they'd just dropped him into the middle of Falluja after telling him that Johnny Carson still thinks he's a mobbed-up homo!

Then ol' Wayno would have entertained the troops: Karate kick some Al-Qaeda ass, while singing Danke Schoen until all the insurgents laid down their arms, covered their ears, and begged Allah to shoot them.

I hear tickets go on sale tomorrow for the next big show: Charles Nelson Reilly, Phyllis Diller, Soupy Sales, Yakov Smirnoff and The Amazing Kreskin, with a special appearance by Tony Orlando.

I hear the kids over there just love that yellow ribbon song...