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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004 Posted 5:45 PM
  Reinvasion of the Pod People Cranky as I am, maybe I'm the only one annoyed by these die cut magnetic ersatz yellow ribbons with the Support Our Troops or God Bless Our Troops inscribed on them? Does anyone remember the 70's, when over night almost every car in America had a translucent Rainbow decal on its rear window? Did anyone know what it was supposed to mean? Was there a message at all? Was s e x subliminal[abl]y hidden within? Just why did you have that stupid $1.25 impulse purchase at the Store 24 piece of garbage in your window? I hated that. How about the late 80's (before Road Rage had a name and a recovery group of its own) when suddenly everyone with progeny hung a diamond shaped piece of plastic proclaiming Baby on Board to the rest of the automotive public. Was this so that I would cut some Volvo driving granola eating sandal wearing Unix programmer some slack as he cruised down the left lane of the interstate at a steady 52 miles per hour? Half the time, there was'nt even a kid in the car. I hated that. So, now its the Support and Bless our troops magnets. Some people... no, many people actually, have affixed more than one of these things to the same vehicle! They frighten me. Now, I do not disagree with the sentiment of supporting and blessing our troops, even when they are engaged in an illegal and despicable war, but just where does the money that is being paid for these things go?  Does it help support or bless our troops? No friends, it does not. There is a darker secret to these magnets, than that held by the rainbows and baby warnings combined.
My research reveals that these magnets are manufactured in northern Afghanistan, in a company owned by one Phineas T. bin-Laden, a distant, and fairly obscure relative of you know who, who's only real claim to fame is that it was he who coined the slogan There's an infidel born every minute! That's right friends, the money you are spending on these magnets is going straight to Al Qaeda. And so I propose, that America wake up and stop funding the terrorists who seek to destroy us. But, in the spirit of giving the people what they want, and doing my best not to underestimate their taste, I offer an alternative. While the funds you send will not help bless any babies or rainbows, I promise none will go to Al Qaeda, and you'll have another stupid thing to stick on your SUV. © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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