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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Wednesday, March 09, 2005 Posted 6:22 PM
  March of the Rolling Igloos How many New Englanders were subjected to the March of the Rolling Igloos today? March, as in "It's freakin' March already and I've had all that I can take and I'm not going to scrape this anymore!" Rolling Igloo as, ostensibly, an automobile whose roof, hood, trunk, back and front bumpers, all lights and all glass, except for a fogged up, fist-sized hole on the left front, which is thought to be conducted by an albeit unseen and unseeable human whose presence is presumed, at a maximum of 3.75 miles per hour down the main drag of your town here, in the middle of morning rush hour. It should be legal to shoot bullets through that freakin' fogged-up fist sized hole. Sadly, the reality is that if one were to shoot out these freakin' morons, at the end of the day you be taken away, dead, or in chains, to a prison or a looney bin, when what ought to happen is that the governor should proclaim a day in your honor and humbly request that next month you might dispatch those drivers who keep a turn signal engaged for the greater of 1/2 mile or 45 seconds without turning. Alas, the innovators and prophets are doomed to martyrdom. I mentioned this to a friend who was on his way to see The Recut Passion. He mentioned that Jesus did not murder the masses, he fed them. "Friend," I said, "you miss my point. I also want to feed them, and see them eat, lead!" [Disclaimer: Some time ago, a real schmuck (not his real name) actually brought charges against me (not my real name), claiming that I incited violence and mayhem against him and threatened the same, by suggesting that he be dope-slapped for doing something utterly and entirely dopeslap-worthy. Since this is a land and we are a people who do incredibly stupid things that were never meant to be done, and then blame others, I hereby go on record and attest and swear that the opinion conveyed by the words appearing above is merely opinion, and does not suggest or recommend that you (not your real name) or anyone else under your supervision or control, do or not do anything that you would otherwise have done or not done had you not read the above. Do not under any circumstance take any action against any person or property, living or dead, real or imagined at what you may think is my behest. It surely is not. What's more, if you do, you do so entirely at your own risk, and so help me, if I find out about it, you will get one helluva dopeslap when I getta hold of you.] © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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