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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Monday, March 14, 2005 Posted 8:39 PM
  New Animal Species Discovered! No longer myth nor legend! Ordinarily when I'm cut off on the highway by a reckless driver, I'm not a happy guy. With age, I flip less fingers and simply mutter more, but this morning, when the car flew past me, and cut me off, crossing two lanes and exceeding 70 mph in morning traffic, at first I was startled, but then I smiled, then giggled, and then laughed out loud. He jammed on his brakes, almost causing an accident as he swerved off of Rt. 95 onto 93 South. As I followed him around the cloverleaf, he crawled right up the butt of the driver in front of him, and before he was even up to the lane merge, he was zigging across the rumble strip, cutting across another 3 lanes, gunning it into the left-most lane and climbing into the next guy's rectum. Why was I happy? Today, March 14, 2005 was a special day, for I have discovered a new breed. Since I've discovered it, I lay claim to naming it: Phaethontis volvoriae exlegis falkensis The guy was driving a volvo wagon! But don't get your hopes up if you too have always hoped you would encounter the legendary Reckless or Speedy Volvo Driver. I've been searching for more than 30 years, and this is the first one I've been able to positively identify. But rest assured, he is out there - no longer in the company of Chupacabra, Nessie and Sasquatch - but probably in Georgia by now at the rate he was moving, or maybe just in a south shore jail, waiting to make bail. Happy hunting. © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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