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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005 Posted 1:44 PM
  YATSASS: Making Fun of Fat Kids Depresses Them
It's been a while since we've had a YATSASS Report of any kind, so it is with true pride and bemusement that I present the above. As a formerly fat former child who was formerly ridiculed for aforesaid fatness, and abandoning the rubric for this column where your humble scribe spews forth whatever is on his mind at the moment it is on his mind, I took a moment to reflect on the situation. I stopped, and pondered the enormity of this finding and its effect on mankind. After a respectable amount of cogitation and reflection I say No DUH!. Whether or not the results of this ground breaking study can be extrapolated to ugly zit faced kids and depression, or big eared loser kids with depression, or skinny little twerp spazzoid kids and depression or, going out on a limb here (but hey, what the heck are limbs for if you can't go out on 'em) maybe even hooked nosed curly haired cheap-ass little Hebe kids and depression. Here's to you Dr. Dick, who'd have ever figured that kids feel better when you don't make fun of them? It once again proves that although anecdotal evidence is often correct, it never hurts to spend government funds to prove the obvious. Next up on Dr. Dickie's docket, a new study: Limbs and their Purposes: If Not For Going Out On, Then What? Where do these guys get their ideas for these studies? © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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