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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Friday, October 28, 2005 Posted 3:14 PM
  Taking Candy From Babies and Crap from PC-Idiots Congratulations to Principal David Castelline of the Underwood Elementary School in Newton Massachusetts. Although there are still a full 9 weeks to go in 2005, I'm going to stick my neck out and give you the 2005 Jellyfish Award for being both the most spineless and most gutless person to make the news in 2005. You managed to edge out Dennis Brown director of the C.D. Hylton High School Marching Band by just a micron or two of your gelatinous outer membrane. You actually cancelled Halloween to appease some selfish whining yuppies! According to a WCVB TV-5 newsreport:
First, Mr. Castelline, what, if anything, were you thinking? Second, what, if anything, were you thinking? Even if one were to agree with your decision [and that would be hypothetically only] why did you wait until now? If parents only raised this issue in recent days, wouldn't a response of "Give me an effin' break!" been appropriate? OK, probably not. But couldn't you have said something like, "This day of crafts and activities related to Autumn, and a widely loved childrens' holiday, that dates back scores of years has been a tradition here at Underwood since 19XX. While I appreciate your concerns, they have been voiced too late in this year's schedule for us to change our plans. Naturally, if you are uncomfortable with the day's plan, we will understand if you choose to keep your child home." Then, at a later date, after pretending to have given due consideration, couldn't you have gotten back to those nitwits and said, "Give me an effin' break?" Hey, I'm Jewish. I don't exactly love that the "Winter Choral Concert" features Deck The Halls and Adeste Fidelis, but I've never seen the need to make a literal Federal Case out of it. At least we did away with Away in a Manger So, here we go, down the slippery slope: "Hey, I'm [Jewish, Muslim, Vegan]... No more playing football with a pigskin © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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