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Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies:

Thursday, October 06, 2005


Tom Cruise Knows The History of Obstetrics...

And baby will make 3 for Tom, Katie
By Donna Freydkin, USA TODAY

Lovebirds Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting their first child together.

Cruise's sister and publicist, Lee Anne Devette, confirmed the great expectation to People magazine Wednesday and said both the couple and "the entire family (are) very excited."

She declined to reveal details about the due date or the sex of the child. But she said Holmes, 26, "has never felt better."

Interviewed separately, Mr. Cruise jumped up and down on a couch screaming, "I love this fetus, I love this fetus."

Later he proclaimed that there would be no ultrasound, amniocentesis, or other "false" medical testing. "I know the history of obstetrics. I've studied obstetrics. Have you studied obstetrics? I've studied obstetrics!," shouted the somewhat animated father-to-be.

Calling Lamaze "big money corporate hogwash" and deriding epidural blocks as "merely numbing and not treating the problem," Cruise announced that Holmes will simply give birth to her child, where and when it is time.

Ms. Holmes was unavailable for comment, but rumored to be hastily thumbing through Dianetics, trying to find reference to natural childbirth.

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