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A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
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Wednesday, January 11, 2006 Posted 10:03 PM
  YATSASS: Kenneth, you're all wet. But in the afternoon I'll be alert... Hats off to Kenneth Wright of the University of Colorado at Boulder. He has managed to waste his time and our money studying groggy and hazy people. His conclusion: it is worse to be groggy upon awakening than it is to be groggy from lack of sleep. Praise the lord - finally an answer to the question that's been...hmm... keeping me awake at night. No, wait, dammit... now that I can get to sleep it's going to be worse, according to the study:
Very interesting... but shtoopid! as Arte Johnson used to say.
I wonder if that befuddled feeling can be diminished with, oh, say, maybe... coffee? Would Starbucks be willing to spring for me to do a study? [see, I'm catching on to that private enterprise funding thing...]
Perhaps, but I think not, unless we are all to remain in our sleep deprived or just awakened states in perpetuity. But, even though I've not yet asked 16 people, and have received no funding, I think I can pretty safely assume that a person who has just awakened will not be in that state for very long, whereas a person who is deprived of sleep will remain that way and worse, unless and until they do sleep. Which of course will then, somewhat alchemically, transform them from sleep deprived to awakening.
Huh? Wha? Hey-turn-out-that-light! Oh, uh... I'm OK now... So really Mr. Wright, if I understand what you're telling me, is that if I am to receive an injection from a doctor, it would be better to get one from a resident on the tail end of a double, than from a doctor who just got out of bed. Right? But what happens if I wait 3 minutes? The doctor is 3 minutes more awake, and the resident is 3 minutes more sleep deprived. Heavy! What if they both have a cup of joe? Man! This is deep! Ken Wright! Here's mud in yer eye. The first YATSASS of 2006 © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
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