A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page.

And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports

Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies:

Posted 3:22 PM

OK, to recap, you can say fair and balanced, but Fox Entertainment is not happy about that, and you might not be able to use the number 22 anymore, if Abercrombie & Fitch have their way. Now, maybe its a problem if you pose in a way that someone else has posed before.

Hmmm... My Dad took pictures of teenaged people, posed in front of a fireplace, wearing formal clothing; the male a bouteneer, the female a corsage attached to her wrist.

HIGH SCHOOL CLASS OF 2004! Be Warned! My lawyers will be watching you.

Posted 10:00 AM

Consider this: That bug that Segway LLC is going to rectify with a software upgrade, is actually an important - No! the most important invention of this millenium. Frankly, every device on this planet should be retrofitted, such that anyone who failed to heed warnings AND continued to be aggressive WOULD receive head lacerations!

...what a wonderful world it would be.

Posted 12:32 PM

I could not find the idiot judge's home number, but here are the numbers for the Oklahoma District Court.

Please call them to sell them anything. Please fax your sales offers, solicitations and other crap to the fax number.

If perchance they say they are not interested, or that they don't like being called, tell them that over 50,000,000 Americans have already said the same.

Posted 3:44 PM

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A group of [idiot] computer owners has filed a lawsuit against some of the world's biggest makers of personal computers [deep, deep pockets], claiming that their advertising deceptively overstates the true capacity of their hard drives. [Were these morons actually able to read advertising? Note they're referred to as owners not users]

The lawsuit, which seeks class action status [which means only LAWYERS get money], was filed earlier this week in Los Angeles Superior Court against Apple Computer Inc., Dell Inc., Gateway Inc., Hewlett-Packard Co., IBM, Sharp Corp., Sony Corp. and Toshiba Corp. The lawsuit brought by Los Angeles residents Lanchau Dan, Adam Selkowitz, Tim Swan and John Zahabian [straw men] centers around the way that computer hard drives are described by manufacturers. [b.s. - it centers around the way clever fat bastard lawyers find niggling ways to extract huge settlements] Representatives of the eight defendants were [sadly astonished by the gall] not immediately available to comment.

According to the lawsuit, computer hard drive capacities are described in promotional material in decimal notation, but the computer reads and writes data to the drives in a binary system. [And that's because almost everyone who ever learned anything about computers knows that a kilobyte is not 1,000 bytes, it is 1024 bytes. A Megabyte is NOT 1,000,000 bytes, it is 1024 kilobytes (1024 X 1024=1,048,576 bytes). Finally, a Gigabyte is not 1,000 Megabytes, it is 1,024 Megabytes. (1024 X 1,048,576=1,073,741,800 bytes). We, users and manufacturers alike, just find it easier to pretend its a round 1,000,000,000.]

The result is that a hard drive described as being 20 gigabytes would actually have only 18.6 gigabytes of readable capacity, the lawsuit said. [Yes, this is true. Its also a convention, universally accepted by users since the dawn of computation.] The plaintiffs said [No, some lawyer thought this up, and said...] this difference in convention is deceptive and leaves buyers with less storage than they thought [less money than the lawyers could have] they were getting when they purchased their computers. [Well, yeah, and a year doesn't really have exactly 365 days in it, so I'm not really as old (or is it young?) as I think I am. Hey, maybe I'll file a class action suit against the Roman Catholic Church! I mean, gall-durned it, the Gregorian Calendar is another lie foisted upon us by those pedophiles! And how come I can't check in until 6PM and have to be out by 11 AM and I PAY for a DAY??? Watch out Marriot, Hyatt, Hilton, Best Western, Motel Six, and especially you, Tom Bodett! And then I'm going after the Motion Picture Association of America! That video was NOT resized to fit MY TV. They don't even know what TV I have!!!]

For example, say the plaintiffs, when a consumer buys what he thinks is a 150 gigabyte hard drive [he should know enough about computers to understand what this means], the plaintiffs said, he actually gets only 140 gigabytes of storage space. That missing 10 gigabytes, they claim, could store an extra 2,000 digitized songs [pirated] or 20,000 [kiddie porn] pictures. The lawsuit asks for an injunction against the purportedly unfair marketing practices, an order requiring the defendants to disclose their practices to the public, restitution, disgorgement of ill-gotten profits and attorneys' fees."

Oh, yes. That's what I want to see. Hard drives advertised as 1.0737418e09 bytes.

Posted 1:12 PM

"That's a mistake, your honour, I didn't have cocaine, I had cannabis," Will Carpenter, 34, of Friswell's Hill, Pembroke exclaimed after Crown counsel Anthony Blackman said he was charged with possession of cocaine in an increased penalty zone. Mr. Blackman told Acting Senior Magistrate Carlisle Greaves, to amend the charge, after reading the summary of the arrest.

Posted 11:44 AM

Posted 9:04 AM

Posted 8:36 AM

Posted 10:28 AM

The man in black clothing had long ago acknowledged his problems with the white powder, and may have even overcome his addictions. Although penned by another, younger addict, Johnny Cash's recent cross generational hit, Hurt, spoke boldly and wisely to the pain of addiction, and his own composition (with Kris Kristofferson,) the 1970 recording of Sunday Mornin', Comin' Down was light years ahead of the "Recovery Gang" of the nineties. Cash struggled openly with drugs through much of his life, rehabbing at the Betty Ford Center as recently as the mid-Eighties.

John Ritter was a much funnier, fast-witted man than most people knew. When I would tell someone that I held John Ritter in the same esteem as Robin Williams and Billy Crystal when it came to spontaneous, funny, on the mark improvisational comedy, they'd look at me and say "What? That 3's Company guy?"

Way back in the stoneage, back when MTV showed music and the Comedy Channel showed comedy, I saw a comedy special where the three men performed together. I had never before, and have not since, seen anything as funny. John Ritter won my undying respect that day, despite his alleged drug problems.

Maybe no one else remembers, but I seem to recall that whenever you read about a "shindig," "happening," or other "late night escapade" at places like the Chateau Marmont (home of John Belushi's Death), John Ritter's name appeared on the guest list. Robin Williams, one of the last people to ever see John Belushi alive, and who has admitted to snorting more than one furnished mansion's worth of cocaine, counted Ritter among his buddies during the best of/worst of times.

When I heard that John Ritter had died I was surprised and I was saddened. When I heard what it was that killed him, I was not at all surprised; I had heard of the condition and believed that I knew one of its major causes, viz: Entrez-PubMed: "Among the 38 cases of acute aortic dissection, 14 (37%) were related to cocaine use. Crack cocaine was smoked in 13 cases and powder cocaine was snorted in 1 case. The mean interval between cocaine use and the onset of symptoms was 12 hours (range, 0 to 24)"

Posted 8:35 PM

The cost of the shipment, over $575, was more than a last minute first class fare would have been for the Brooklyn native, but hey, the boss was paying! No doubt, first class would have been more comfortable than the the cramped shipping container, which only by chance travelled in a pressurized cabin.

Had it not, Mr. McKinley would have already met Mr. Jeffers, the protagonist of a wonderful vamp by the Velvet Underground, The Gift, on their ground breaking album White Light/White Heat, who met his fate at the hands of Marsha Bronson, when she opened an unexpected shipment from her boyfriend with a pair of metal cutters which she plunged "..."through the middle of the package, through the middle of the masking tape, through the cardboard through the cushioning and (thud) right through the center of Waldo Jeffers head, which split slightly and caused little rhythmic arcs of red to pulsate gently in the morning sun... "

Posted 4:42 PM

TheBostonChannel.com - News - Route 128, I-93 Reopened After Tanker Rollover "Traffic was finally getting back to normal early Wednesday afternoon hours after a tanker truck flipped on its side on Route 128 causing massive tie-ups on roads around Boston's northern suburbs. Both highways were shut down in both directions from 8:30 a.m. to 9:15 a.m. Wednesday. Yeah, it only took me 2 hours and 3 minutes to get from Reading to Cambridge!

Basically, the sign Dick failed to comprehend is one of those International Language/McDonald's Picture Menu mentality type road signs that we see all too often these days, instead of a plain old English language warning, but I think we all would have gotten the point:

Posted 1:00 PM

As much as I hate to quote Billy Joel, "...only the good die young."

Posted 5:22 PM

Posted 10:01 AM

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