|
A fair and balanced compendium of spontaneous exclamations and excited utterances, with 22 entries on the front page. And, now, Home of the YATSASS™ Reports Yet Another True Story About Stupid Studies: • Breathing Bus Exhaust is Stressful • Depressed People May Take Drugs To Feel Better • Smart healthy people choose foods more wisely than stupid drunks • Stressed Out Moms Think Their Babies Are Annoying • People Are Groggy When They Wake Up • Airport Screeners Probably Can't Stop Spread of SARS & Flu • Study on Studies Yields Disappointment! • Lengthy Study with No Findings! A perfect YATSASS! • Making Fun Of Fat Kids Depresses Them • Drinking Highly Sugared Beverages Can Make You Fat! • Americans Prefer Safe & Effective Drugs to Unproven and Dangerous Ones • Study Shows Poor & Homeless Drink More Malt Liquor • Study on People in Studies Yields Predictable Answers, But Also Raises New Questions • Women Don't Like Getting Up to Feed the Newborn While Their Husbands Sleep Like Babies • Sperm Levels Drop With Frequent Ejaculation • People Who Don't Screw Around Get Less Clap • Swimming Can Cause Fluid Build-Up in Lungs • People Who Eat A Proper Diet are Healthier and Thinner • People who don't wet their pants feel better than people who do • Maybe Left Handed Winter Babies have More Brain Cancer, Maybe Not... • People who had nose jobs and people who didn't both like the same kind of noses • People pass more gas when they are active • Kids who spend too much time reading will get headaches • People who get drunk think others are more attractive than they do when they're sober In the old days, My thoughts were more coherent, and I could string together whole sequences of actual paragraphs! Those essays can be found here for those so interested.
|
Thursday, October 30, 2003 Posted 9:48 AM
  A Spinal Tap reference? This from the best dictionary on the web: Merriam-Webster OnLine: "We go to ELEVEN! The dictionary of the future has arrived! The fully revised Eleventh Edition of Merriam-Webster's Collegiate® Dictionary merges print with a searchable CD-ROM dictionary and a one-year subscription to the new Collegiate Web site. See what all the noise is about here!" Posted 9:35 AM
YATSASS: Kids Who Read For Too Long Get Headaches! Paging Dr. Bennett... Dr. Howard Bennett... please get to work!:
Apparently Dr. Howard Bennett of George Washington University Medical Center has too much time on his hands, or not enough patients, having found reason to send a letter, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, where he claims to have discovered that too much reading at one time can give you a headache! Calling them Hogwarts Headaches, he says that he has several patients who read too much of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix in one sitting developed headaches. Holy Cow! Let's get this guy a Nobel Prize! And while you're on the phone to Stockholm, get them ready for me. My letter about a malady I have dubbed Slurpy® Seizures warns of an intense pain between the eyes that some people feel when consuming the aforementioned beverage. Related to the anecdotal Brain Freeze, discovered by Dr. Pasteur, and following up on Jenner's ground breaking work with Mr. Misty® Headaches, I have noted that this syndrome can cause people to stop talking, bring their fingers rapidly to the bridge of their nose, and then utter Yeeeeeeoooooow!. Sunday, October 19, 2003 Posted 6:00 PM
Give them a break! In light of the discovery of box cutters, razor blades and other weapons stashed on several airliners, and the recent announcement that federal agents were able to carry such weapons on through screeners at Logan Airport in Boston, I feel compelled to comment on the apparent excellent security procedures I encountered at Logan Airport in Boston when I flew from Boston to Miami on American Airlines on Tuesday October 7, 2003 at 11:50AM. I carried a computer with accessories, and a large duffle bag to the screening gate. I was asked to remove the computer from the bag, to take off my shoes and belt, and all other metal, and to place them in baskets, which were then passed through the X-Ray machine. When I passed through the metal detector I set off an alarm, and was asked to step into an area where I was “looped” thoroughly from head to, literally, toes. The rivets in my jeans were determined to be the issue. Meanwhile, my duffle bag had been taken aside for inspection. A courteous agent, with my permission and in my presence, opened the bag, avoided several electronic devices, went immediately for my toiletries kit, opened it, deftly moved several items aside, and came up with a moustache trimming scissors which had escaped my own inspection when I was packing. The precision with which she entered the bag and found exactly what she was looking for in seconds – certainly faster than I could have produced the same item – was impressive, if not reassuring. This episode reinforced for me how difficult this inspection task must be, and how well, quickly and courteously it was done under the pressure of a torrent of incoming travelers which seemed as unending as the US Mail. It also reminded my of a truism shared with me by my Dad when I was but a kid, and which all of us should accept: “Locks keep honest people honest, and amateurs out.” Demanding 100% effectiveness from the airport screeners is simply not reasonable. While I hope that no weapons or terrorists will be on my flight – or any flight – we must all accept the fact that determined professionals will succeed from time to time. Rather than continually trying to devise an undefeatable mechanical and physical barrier, we must address this issue socially, economically, and politically. World leaders and the traveling public should take a cue from the RIAA and its doomed battle with music uploaders and downloaders. Only when we make these acts unnecessary or non-productive for the perpetrators, will we no longer suffer their consequences. Friday, October 17, 2003 Posted 10:36 AM
Advice from Dad Heeded: Don't Barf on the Jap PM! Yahoo! News - Bush Dines in Japan, Currencies on the Menu: TOKYO (Reuters) - President Bush praised his close ally, Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, on Friday but also told him markets should decide currency rates -- an apparent nudge to Tokyo to abandon its efforts to weaken the yen. Bush dubbed Koizumi, who has pledged to contribute money and troops to help rebuild Iraq (news - web sites), a 'good friend' as the two emerged smiling from a no-necktie dinner at Japan's state guest house. There was no sign of vomit on Mr. Koizumi. Posted 10:28 AM
The players said this, not their lawyers, right?! Paul Williams, the part-time groundskeeper and full time special-ed teacher, involved in a melee Saturday in the New York Yankees bullpen at Fenway Park, has retained lawyer Patrick T. Jones of Boston to possibly pursue a civil suit against two Yankees players. Williams was allegedly attacked by relief pitcher Jeff Nelson and right fielder Karim Garcia according to Boston police officers who broke up the fight. Here's the part I love: The players indicated Williams provoked them, "by cheering for the Red Sox, in their midst." Whereas I generally hate personal injury suits - and I doubt this guy was seriously hurt - if their stated reason was their reason - I hope Paul takes them for all they're worth! What meatheads! I've said it before (as has every pre-school teacher):Don't Hit! Thursday, October 02, 2003 Posted 11:25 AM
Yo, GW, I got your WMD, right here, pal! N. Korea Says It Is Making Nuclear Bombs (AP) "North Korea said Thursday it is using plutonium extracted from spent nuclear fuel rods to make atomic weapons, a move that could escalate tensions on the Korean peninsula and raise the stakes in Pyongyang's standoff with the United States." Listen, do we need to lose LA or Seattle before someone wakes up and takes these numbskulls out? Or are we just going to keep sifting sand looking for scuds? Good lord its hard to believe it would be worse with Al Gore! © 2002-2008 Rob Falk, All Rights Reserved. All Wrongs Denied. Your mileage won't vary; it will be less. | Subscribe to Rants!
  
...with other readers:Subscribe by E-mail |
![[Powered by Blogger]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_ssmSrvUUZ_EmtQfk1LdT8YodDqvrUZVN9-myQnuzhpwbBioZg5LO6zkGfGGJfWxu5kJ0uXlDwyava9gCpscGCpMWfZoyalpDL6uDGU1nH9=s0-d){kind=small}
